Pointless Daily Meanderings

It's not necessarily pointless to me, but I write about the last few days a little bit more.

Yesterday I started Irish dancing, so I learned the basics about going forwards and backwards, which I got relatively quickly thanks to my one semester of piano, oddly. I got the basics of moving a little quickly because I can count steps the same way I counted beats back in piano days. I definitely will be carrying on throughout the semester, and most likely, the year.

Work has been testing. Mondays are always busy, and typically require me to take ibuprofen, the one drug I know of that causes no mental side-effects. Those who have seen the emotional and physical exhaustion that I experience with things like cold medication and tylenol know that I hate taking drugs, so if it was bad enough that I wanted to pop a couple motrins in my day, it was long. Today was long too, and I felt unmotivated to be there for much of the day. I was impatient with the people on the phones and theirr really long stories about every little malady their child suffers, when all I want is a synopsis to I can determine whether to schedule an appointment or not.

The most vexing thing has to be the process of filling out new demographic forms, because the central office stupidly requires new everything with the change of year, and then we have to pass our frustrations onto the people who come in. I hate having to ask people for their money, to deal with insurance drama, and anything else that creeps into view. I hate the slowness of the day, and how many days, I'm desperate to find something to do. We really don't need five people there all the time, but my boss insists on having us all there. Really, we could rotate afternoons off, although because I want to build a war chest, I would be remiss to really take any time off.

In some of the slow time at work, today, I thought more about my situation, and about how I would really prefer to be doing something like writing or teaching, and how slowly time is going by for the semester to begin again, how I still have three more semesters after this, and in all that time, I'm going to accrue enough vacation hours to drive to Boise and back at best.

But, on the other hand, I've never made this much at one time, and I don't have the desire or the recourse to look elsewhere. Maybe in my next semester break (assuming I allow myself the occasion to take one...) I'll consider looking elsewhere, but for now, I am content in general with my position.

The other problem about how slow it is is that it allows frustration to build---frustration because there is so little that I can do. How little work there is at my job, and yet I am too tired often when I get home to work vigorously on my mind, and so I often watch movies and sew, which is why I cannot wait for the semester to begin (I have no choice otherwise).

On top of that, there is the frustration of knowing that there's nothing I can do. I just keep reminding myself that I have to be encouraging, supportive, and there, and that's the best that I can do. I don't have magical powers and never will. Maybe I've got something in me that can break it, and maybe I don't.

I'm tired. :(