This week has been pretty torturous to me. The emotional factors involved with this week have been serious, and complicating that was the intense stress involved with both my ancient history and Mexico courses. I really don't feel like I have any kind of a handle on either course adequately to justify myself as an historian. I keep reminding myself that I am working more than 40 hours a week, and that most people who do graduate programs don't work full time in addition to classes.
In addition, work was endless stress this week. The central administrative office is run by a large congregation of buffoons, in my oh so humble opinion. They keep adding on more ridiculous things that we need to be doing in our various positions, such that it is not possible to both provide good customer service and perform all the tasks they demand of us.
This is what check-in is going to look like starting Monday:
1) We have to ensure that an updated demographic form for 2010 exists on file. While we're increasingly reaching the point where this is the case, there are still enough people who have not been in the office in 2010 to make this problematic.
2) We have to ensure that an updated copy of the insurance card for 2010 is on file. This may change, and we may have to make copies of the insurance card EVERY time someone comes into the office.
3) We have to ensure that every child has an electronic survey information sheet filled out per federal law...(this is new).
4) We have to ensure that there exists a copy of identification for each child's caretaker exists on file. I am personally extremely opposed to this due to the possibility of identity theft, but since I'm a minion, my opinions don't matter. I imagine there will be a lot of problems with this one, which my office manager will have to deal with. I can see asking to SEE ID on every visit, but to have an ID copied into a chart is totally different.
5) We have to collect a copay. With cash, we have to write a physical receipt. The credit card system operates via internet, and the system kicks us out after three minutes of inactivity. It takes three minutes to log-in, and we have to manually enter all patient information before we even enter the payment. At this point, we've now taken over 5 minutes.
6) We have to have paperwork for the visit filled out--wellness or sick visits. A lot of times, we can have parents do this while we're doing everything else.
7) We have to make copies of everything and make sure it's perfectly legible.
This entire process is too much for two people doing check-in to do. Realistically, we need three, but when you're a minion, no one wants to hear you talk or suggest, what they want is you doing what you're told.
Fundamentally, I do not like my job or the bureaucracy involved.
On top of that, my body decided that sleep was not necessary most of the week.
The only blessing involved in the business of school/work has been that it has afforded me little time to think about the whole emotional turmoil thing. It was very odd, because on Wednesday, he texted me telling me that he's sorry he hasn't talked much, but that things have been difficult for him, etc. The bizarre thing is that as a result of some financial woes on his part, he's asking me to room with him.
Despite a strong inclination not to do this for emotional reasons, I have to admit that this is the kind of opportunity I need to finally move out of home. I listened to the financial/legal aspects of his proposal yesterday and I'd get a room and equal access to other living areas for around 325 a month. I don't have much occasion in which we'd interact, thanks to dance, work, and school. Fundamentally, it would give me freedom from home and start me on the path to really being an adult without losing all kinds of money. On top of that, despite our nebulous relationship, the fact is that I know he would not put me in a financially obscure situation by not paying his share of rent. He has stronger investment in the house, because he wants to own it someday.
The way I see it, this is a temporary thing until his finances are worked out. That would be okay with me, because I live so minimalistically that I require very little room, and thus can tolerate a certain element of uncertainty. I said that I would have to have at least a month's notice if he wants me to leave.
On top of that, I said that certainty on the boundaries of our relationship are necessary before I could seriously consider his offer. We're discussing this today, but I already know what's going to happen. He's going to tell me that I'm a very nice person who will someday make someone very happy, but we're not happening. I'll sort of implied that with everything going on with school and dance, I'd be looking at the weekend AFTER St. Patty's Day, which would give me enough time to get over him....methinks.
It sucks, and I'm going to get hurt all over again, but at least this whole awkwardness at least means that I'll get the answer I deserve...one that's not silence.
I've thought a lot about what to do after I get over him. I think I'm going to just avoid the whole relationship thing for a while. I need to focus on what I need to get done rather than anything else. I'm not sure if I want to actively reject one if one happens to come or not yet; bbut my inclination over these next weeks is going to be to focus heavily on work and school and doing everything I can to advance my life position.
I'm going to buy a kilt for Irish dance. Dance has been the one thing that has given me any kind of sanity in the last week. I wish I was more talented than I am, because my retinue is so small that I wear out my knowledge of dance after 30 minutes, and I would thoroughly enjoy at least 2 hours worth of dances I could do just to exhaust myself and give myself perspective. I learned the baby-jig on Saturday, and I may learn the double-reel on Monday...I'm also going to suggest a strong interest in learning Siamsa.
Perhaps I'll go back to work...
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